Time for the next installment!

8^th January

Sapa is known for its trekking, but today is very foggy and we walked a lot further than expected yesterday, so we decide to rent a moped to try and see a few other sights in the guide book.

Given the fog, this might turn out to be a waste of time……… it was.  The amazing view from the pass….. foggy, the 200ft waterfall……looks about 30ft high…..  you could say we should have expected it…..  and we did.  But given the choice, we thought we would rather try…….  Then it started raining……  ye, on a moped, in the fog and rain isn’t the  greatest, but we persevere and try to look round a few villages.
This turns out quite well, as we get invited into a small house for lunch.  (hummm….  no such thing as a free lunch?)  still, with this in mind, we sit down in front of a warm fire to dry our clothes. 

Lunch comprised of rice rice rice rice and veg, with a couple of eggs.  It was lovely actually and the rice wine washed it down a treat!!  We bought a couple of bits of cloth as a way of thanks and headed back to town.   On the way back, we emerge out of the cloud (for about 5 mins), enough to see the view we would have had, if it had been sunny!!

So after relaxing in town (doing the blog) we head back to the station to catch our rickety over night train back to Hanoi. (no air con, Hooray!)

9^th January

We pull into the station at 04:30  (what does the 0 STAND FOR!!!!…….. “Good Morning Vietnam” style!)  and we quickly jump into a cab and head for the airport (this is definitely flash packing not backpacking!!!) as we want to get halfway down vietnam, we could take the train, but it takes 18hrs……   ermm....  NO!.   

9am, we arrive in Hue, check in and walk round the town.  This was the scene of much American, Vietcong fighting during the war, so much of the old town has been levelled, but there is still lots to see, including the citadel, still riddled with bullet holes.  (derrr…. Didn’t take a picture??...)

Later we grab a couple of moped taxis to show us the main sights of the town  (we are getting quite into the moped life style!!)  including several temples and pagodas dating back to the 1600s – 1900s…… 4hrs later……  right, that’s enough of that, time to eat!

We end up at a Vietnamese place that has food where there is more time spent on the presentation than the cooking?....... apparently, it’s a phoenix?  (or, perhaps, more like a chicken?) …. nice though!

10^th January

We arrive at the train station at 07:30 to book our tickets to Hoi An.  We have heard the journey is amazing, winding its way through the mountains.   Unfortunately the train is delayed until 1pm.  Arse.  So when a little scrawny guy suggests the bus…. (Conveniently enough, he sells tickets!!...) we begrudgingly agree.   There is a tourist bus leaving in 10 mins from outside the station, taking in similar sights to the train, it will take 2hrs.   It’s a little expensive (for Vietnam…. £5 each!!)but the three of us agree (we have now picked up another traveller, expecting to do the same).

A few mins later, we get put into a taxi????....  “why are we getting into a taxi????”   “because you must get on the bus at the hotel… it leaves soon” was the swift response….. hummm  this is a bit weird……. 10mins later, we get dropped off….. at a travel agents shop???....    who look at us blankly when we suggest we are booked on a tourist bus seeing the sights, leaving in 5mins…… 

“there is a bus….  But not that one”

Long story …. long…..  the guy sold us a ticket that goes direct to Hoi An, on a bus that leaves in 2hrs and costs…… £1.50…..  he had just conned us out of £10.50.  For the first time in nearly 4 months, we have been stitched up….. 

The travel agent rings him up.  He tells her, that he is on his way to discuss it…… 20mins later he hasn’t arrived……   a light pink mist is descending around me…. Slowly at first, then orange then burning Magenta!!!!    THAT’S IT!!!!…..2 mins later, I have gotten back onto a moped taxi and am speeding my way back to the station.  (don’t get me wrong, that little prick isn’t getting away with it…. but had he been a very large prick…. then I wouldn’t be going back to the station....)  meanwhile Lorraine is left outside the travel agent looking after the luggage.

Of course, he was still there when I arrive (not coming to meet us after all!) and following a little Argey Bargey (he tries to leave to get on his bike…) and raised voices…. he gives me the refund.

I pull up outside the travel agent, to see Lorraine’s face looking quite relieved. 

10am and we board our bus.  13:00 we arrive in Hoi An.  We are greeted off the bus by a selection of guys, “I know your hotel, I take to your hotel, very cheap….   30’000 dong…”  this is about 1 pound and should take us about 5km……  but considering we can virtually see the hotel….  We tell them to stick it!.... (aint takin any rubbish today!!)

Hoi An is a vibrant place, full of life….   The main source of employment is the market and tailoring.  At about 5pm, after visiting some temples we find ourselves in one of the best tailors in town.   These guys can knock out a suit, ready by 9am in the morning for about £40….  All the way up to £200 for some of the finest Italian materials.   This is too good to be true,  so we wade through the fashion magazines (they simply copy the style you want!) and pick a fabric.  Once measured, that’s it, ready tomorrow morning!  We could take it then, but they recommend a fitting to fine tune the tailoring.  How's that for service!!

We end the evening with an AMAZING tasting menu with the best tuna I have ever eaten.  And to aid the digestion, we end up having a beer and hooking up with James Baker again!  Looks like we are doing the same route down the country!!

 

11^th January

Up early, we are on a cooking course today!  But first we have to go for our first fitting of the suits.  They look great, just a few minor adjustments.

We catch up with our fellow chefs and jump aboard a boat to the cooking school.  We get a lesson in making rice paper, spring rolls, pancakes, and an aubergine curry, eating the fruits of our labour as we go!
By the time we get back on the boat, the water line has risen by about 6 inches!

We are really enjoying our time Hoi An….  So we decide to stay.

A quick phone call later and we have changed our flight to tomorrow……..  this could prove to be a bad thing……  by the time we are relaxing with a beer to watch the sunset, Lorraine has bought another new suit, a skirt to match the suit she is already having made, two tailored shirts, a tailored winter jacket (ready tomorrow) and some boots!! (made to her own spec and to the exact size of the feet and legs!!!)…..  I bought some chopsticks…….. hummm…….

12^th January

The rain is beating down, but this doesn’t deter me, 7:30 and I leave Lozza in bed to take a couple of pictures in the early morning market, a bustling place full of smells, fish traders and ….. smelly fish traders!

9am and I meet Lozza to pick up her new coat (fits very well and surprisingly well made!..... only £18!!!....  tailored!)

We now have a bit of a rush on…..  we can’t carry all this junk around Asia…. So we head for the post office to send it all to Lorraine’s mum.  The suits make about 1/3 of the weight, the rest is other souvenirs, books, shoes, clothes….  All in about 14kg of stuff, collected since Chile (ermmm…  sorry if you need to pick it up, Hilary!)…..  the boots get delivered, by moped, to the post office, just in time to get parceled up.

Another flight…..  3pm we arrive at our “Ho Chi Min city” (Saigon) hotel.

Straight to the local market where Lozza picks up an original Rolex watch for $16 and I get a Breitling for $15, hay if they last a few months!!......

We also spend a few mins playing with the traffic, which is like nothing you have ever seen!!!  The traffic lights are completely ignored so you just have to be brave and walk through the speeding motos!!!  Apparently there are about 25 million mopeds in Saigon!....  most of them look like they are around this market!

13^th January

After breakfast, we meet our guide for the next few days…..  Now, mum don’t go mad, but……  we are going on a motorbike tour of the Mekong delta, all the way up to the Cambodian border, a journey of about 500km over 4 days.  Now, I have ridden a moped a few times, but not really ridden a motorbike… .. they are similar, but quite different! 

Our guide is holding the keys to our Motorbike, a 250cc Yamaha, with 4 gears (mopeds are automatic) which has a clutch (mopeds don’t have a clutch)….where the back brake is, on a moped (????....errr  so if I grab the brake, I will take it out of gear??...) the back brake is the right foot pedal (you don’t use your feet on a moped) and the left foot does the gears (you don’t use your feet on a moped)……. Confident that I am, this is like learning to drive from scratch…..  oh at this point I should mention that Saigon is quite busy…. Hummm  consider this….

Level  1:  learning to ride a tricycle  (age 3)

Level 2:  learning to ride a bicycle

Level 3: learning to ride a moped

Level 4: learning to ride a motorbike

Level 5: learning to race a motorbike

Level 6: learning to win the formula 1 motorbike world championship with one hand covering one eye

Level 7 : learning to cover 100yards of Saigon tarmac, in rush hour traffic, without ending up in casualty…… (those who have seen Topgear in Vietnam will know what I am talking about!)

Throw into the mix, a learner on a bike, with a pillion passenger and Lorraine’s oversize/overweight rucksack and we have elevated ourselves to the upper teens, of levels…..  needless to say, as we entered the road out of the hotel….. I had a fairly rapid heart rate.  

The bike was taking a bit of getting use to……  trying to balance the bike, sift through the traffic, avoiding the pedestrians, the bikes and cars (that just turn/walk into traffic without warning) was like rubbing your tummy, whilst patting your head, whilst spinning a baker’s dozen of plates, whilst reciting the alphabet backwards……

Fortunately we didn’t crash and within 10mins, I had gotten a handle on the bike (despite stalling in the middle of the busiest junction I have ever seen!) and the traffic rules….  Basically avoid everything and everyone and if you're in front, you have right of way, even if this is only 1 inch in front....

First on our tour, a stop off at the “Chi Chu tunnels”  This is part of a network of underground tunnels that the Vietnamese Communist used to evade capture and launch attacks from, on the American troops.  It’s a network over hundreds of miles long and amazing in complexity and to a depth of over 40ft (deep enough to avoid the US bombs.)

In the worst possible taste, the army (who run the site) allow tourists to shoot a variety of guns.... (Lorraine is disgusted, and refuses to take part).  I buy 16 bullets and have a go on the M16 and the colt pistol.

Not to be left out, Lozza changes her mind and has a go!  Turns out that guns are loud.... and the headphones from a walkman (instead of earplugs/ear defenders) do very little!.... our ears are left ringing for half an hour!..... serves us right!

Following a long ride, we arrive at our overnight stop of My Tho, on the Mekong river. 

14^th January

After breakie, we jump in a boat across the vast  Mekong (over 3km wide!) to an island on the far side, inhabited by a small community.  Our guide show us how the locals make coconut sweets (using every part of the nut), how they get around (horse and cart) and the vast selection of fruit grown on the island, accompanied by a sing song and a performing Boa Constrictor!!

Back on the bike and we head off to a snake farm where they….. breed snakes for anti-venom and snake wine, apparently its very good??...    The guide was showing us one enclosure (basically a big hole in the ground with concrete walls and a tree in the middle…..covered in green snakes…..  LOADS!) and explaining that these are very deadly.

“wow, very deadly” I said…….  “how about that one?”  a snake was barely 2ft away, on top of the concrete wall of the enclosure…..

“AHHHH!!!...... ones gotten out!!....” and with that our guide ran off!...   

A few mins later a snake wrangler arrived, with a very long snake catching stick, and returned it to the enclosure…. 

For lunch we stop at a roadside café, and we are treated to a local delicacy….  Of dog soup…..  hummm chewy….  We were doing ok ….. till we found the bit with the teeth?....  Mr. long found a bit, “hay, do you know what this bit is?....  no….  it is the eye!” and quickly popped it in his mouth!...  hummm.

Once checked into our hotel we go out for some food, a fab selection of seafood and spring rolls…….and plenty of beers!

On the way back to the hotel, Long takes us to another back street eatery (what next?) and has a word with the proprietor, he jumps on his scooter and disappears, leaving us with another bottle of beer!  A few mins later, he arrives carrying a bag of…… snakes!   Before we knew what was going on, he brings out a small bottle of vodka, then proceeds to show us the fine, wriggling specimen, venomous apparently!...  

“oh…. Yes, that’s a nice snake?......  what are you doing with those scissors?....”  His assistant quickly cuts off the head!... and before blood squirts out all over the aghast tourists, puts the bloody stump……IN THE VODKA!!!!!......

Once the ex snake had expelled its blood into the alcohol……  HE DID IT AGAIN!!!!   2 SNAKES!!!!!   Of course the inevitable came and Lorraine grabs her ruby glass (she has had quite a lot of booze by now!!) and downs it, followed by me then, Mr. long…..  all I can say it that it couldn’t have been that bad, as we finished the lot, along with the snake soup (Very chewy!) ……

did I mention the head kept moving for about 5 mins, on our dining table!....

 

15^th January

Bleary eyed (the snake bites back!) we continue our journey and have breakfast on a boat in a floating market.

Here the locals arrive by boat to sell their produce, each full of pineapples/coconuts/ tomatoes…  whatever, and they advertise their products by hanging them on a vertical 10ft stick. 
Our breakfast is served from one boat to another….. and we get the feeling, we are really getting local, as all the passing tourist boats clamor to get a picture….. of us?...

Our journey continues, we stop at a bird sanctuary, crocodile farm, and a memorial to 4000 Vietnamese civilians, killed by the Khmer Rouge during the Viet/Cambodian war of the 70s….. This is to say nothing of the 2 million that died in Cambodia......

We finish our ride at a place called Chau Doc, pretty knackered, as it’s been a long day on the bike.
Oh ye, I thought the guys in Uganda could stack it on a moto???....  i was wrong!

16^th January

Back on another boat, this time to look at a floating village on the Mekong River, who sustain themselves by keeping and growing fish under their houses.  Lozza has a go at feeding them, but didn't expect them to thrash about so much!

An hour later and we are at the border with Cambodia.  This is the end of our Vietnam trip, and we are quite sad to be leaving our culinary experimental guide, Mr. long……  not only because he now has to find a local person, willing to ride our bike, the 300km back to Saigon.   (notice Lozza's camera doing the purple thing!)

Once over the border we pick up a couple of moped taxis for our transport to Kep on the Cambodian coast.  Within minutes we notice the difference between the countries, the lush green rice paddies have been replaced by brown dry fields.  We can also see the difference on our clothes as the red dust is choking!   

Once we have found a hotel we go for a walk to watch the sunset, followed by dinner at the crab market….  We had steak….  Not really!

  

 17^th January

Up really early and we take a journey on a rickshaw to Kampot as we are going to check out “Bokor Hill station”  This place was built by the French in the 1920s as a holiday destination, but was later abandoned in the 40s and was subsequently occupied by the King then Khmer rouge and then the Vietnamese.

It has therefore been left to the elements for many years and, as you can see, has become quite an eerie place!   The only trouble is…..  tourists are not allowed to see it anymore as it has been bought by a hotel development company who intend to demolish everything and turn it into a hideous Vegas style complex….  But our guide knows a back way in, which involves trekking for 3 hours up the hill, through the forest.  Knackered, we have a look about, including a hotel, casino, post office and a church!

We return to the town by 6pm (a lot later than planned, due to the trek), jump into a cab (with a couple of girls we met on the trek) and head off to Sihanoukville, one of the few beaches in Cambodia.

Following a 1 ½ hr drive we arrive in the dark to find a hotel, eventually pick one and settle in for the evening….  Apparently, we are on the beach!

18^th January

We awake to the sound of crashing waves…..  outside the sea is lapping the shore, just outside the room.  Over breakfast we quickly decide that we are gonna stop here for the rest of the day and stay an extra night!  The rest of the day is spent relaxing in the sun, sea, sand, in between a massage, manicure (Lorraine… not Will!), threading (Plucking leg hairs out with some cotton….  Lorraine again!) and general chilling out!

Well, we are pretty much up to date! 

Until next time!!!.....